Burn out of Existence
by BlueBumbler
Summary: Starscream can't take being treated as though he is a worthless fool any longer. Perhaps when he is gone, they will realize his worth. Or perhaps not.
1. Fall Apart

Walking outside onto the landing deck of their base, Starscream released a heated sigh, his cheek aching from the back-hand he had received for pointing out the flaws in Megatron's newest scheme. His spark burned with rage and humiliation, sick of being treated like a fool, even though he was always correct.

Sighing once more, he looked to the dark night sky, gazing into it's glittering depths as he longed to be where they were... so far away from here, from Megatron and his endless stupidity. As the seeker gazed, he caught sight of a shooting star, watching as it streaked across the sky before disappearing.

He watched blankly as he thought, optics dimming softly. Many saw shooting stars as good omens, or something to make a wish upon. He only saw them as a morbid depiction of his life. He was falling violently into nothingness, burning out of existence...

There were times he didn't even know why he tried, why he tried to pretend that he was more than just someone to blame when things went wrong. More than just a toy to use when sexual frustrations rose to their peak...

Stepping closer to the edge, he looked down into the black abyss of seemingly endless waters, the ocean so calming in it's gentle lulling. Splashing against the side of the base before retreating and repeating the process, as if trying to reach him to pull him down into it's cold, breathless embrace.

Starscream watched blankly for a moment before diving off of the platform, free falling for a moment before firing on his thrusters and arching gracefully upwards, flying just above the surface of the undulating ocean. Looking, he could see the reflection of the moon, watching it dance to it's silent, lonely melody.

Grimacing, he arched up high into the sky, moving a bit faster to escape the looming vision of his prison, feeling as though it mocked him and his supposed freedom. He would only have to return to more taunting, jeering and abuse, accusations of being worthless and idiotic.

Idiotic was one thing he used to be certain he was not... Worthless? Perhaps, but only due to Megatron's pride, his outright refusal to listen to his fears of a certain mission, or ideas on another. But a fool... he was only recently beginning to wonder about that. He knew it would only end in a beating, and yet he still tried to point out a fatal flaw in Megatron's plan. He knew it would end in failure, but still he tried to overthrow the tyrant...

Scarlet optics blurred with hot tears as the seeker raced ever quicker through the night sky, already reaching what was the safe top speed and going over it, streaking through the air with precise ease as he went farther and farther into the desert, not caring or knowing where he was going.

All he knew was that he wanted away... away from everything that tried to haunt, and eat at his mind, the memories of cruel words aimed to break his spirit and harsh blows to mangle his quickly numbing body.

Growling, he forced his thrusters to their limit, engines whining agonizingly under the strain and heating dangerously. But he didn't care and didn't slow his pace, racing all the quicker to his unknown destination as he became all the more disoriented.

Warnings flashed in his vision, informing him of the overheating engines and the high risk of crashing, but they went unheeded, the seeker trying to go faster... before giving a cry when the engines gave a harsh lurch, something giving out within as his thrusters spluttered and gave out. Falling violently toward the harsh, unforgiving ground, he braced for impact and screeched as he hit, shoulder vent being bent back and snapped off before the other one was smashed in, his wings being painfully and horridly twisted and mangled. His cockpit shattered into millions of shards as it struck a large rock, the seeker screaming as the hit jarred his spark casing and his form finally rolled to a stop, mangled and drenched in his own energon blood.

Giving a pained, breathless sound, he attempted to push himself up, though was completely unable to do so, giving a high sound of pain from the failed action... before falling silent and still, watching through cracked optics as the moon reflected off the heavy dust and smoke around him.

Warnings continued to flash in his vision, this time warning of imminent stasis lock due to loss of energon. Though he found himself unable to care, finding himself at peace despite the pain wracking his frame... He longed for the blissful unawareness that stasis lock brought to him, the safe haven without pain and emotion.

Suddenly a new warning flickered to life, alerting him to five Autobot signatures heading in his direction fast. And it wasn't until then that he realized how close he was to their base. How strange that he would find his way here... However, even this didn't bring him out of morbid sense of peace, offlining his straining optics as he gave a sputtering sigh that had energon dripping from his lips. Perhaps he would die this way... surrounded by confused Autobots that, knowing their nature, would likely attempt to help him despite the fact he was their enemy. And yet, his own faction wouldn't give a slag that he was laying half offline due to a brutal crash.

He could already hear their mocking jeers and obnoxious laughter... No, he would rather die in Autobot hands than in the presence of his supposed allies. At least this way he would join the well of allsparks with some dignity left.

Just as his vision started to fade, he heard the sound of engines rumbling closer before it faded out and slowly came back, muffled and much quieter... He vaguely heard the sound of transformations before hands were suddenly upon him, his vision going blurry and black as muffled voices spoke to him. He couldn't tell if the words were shouted or whispered, his audio not able to pick out words from the sound...

And that was fine. Words were only sounds that could deceive and break you... He much preferred his version of what they could possibly be saying. No... what HE could be saying. Skyfire... He missed that deep, soothing voice, his words that would never be armed to pierce his already aching spark.

A touch to his chest brought him out of his musings, feeling something being hooked into him... though he could feel his conscious slipping quickly, struggling to hold onto the image of Skyfire's loving face, remember the touch of his large, yet incredibly gentle hands... There wasn't a day that passed when he didn't feel sorrow for hurting his friend, his lover. He hadn't known how to react when Skyfire chose the Autobots over him... But now, he somewhat understood his motives. The Decepticons weren't what they had started out to be.

And this thought led him back to his decision to overthrow Megatron... Well, now he wouldn't have to worry anymore. Whatever happened in the war would have to happen without him. And he could only hope the Autobots would win... if only for Skyfire's sake.

Finally, he could no longer feel, hear or see anything, the mere act of thinking becoming a difficult task, his awareness fading to nothing as he slipped into blissful unawareness at last.

He could finally burn out of existence...


	2. Bound to Linger

Silence...

Floating...

Darkness...

Calm. Peace had finally overcome his weary mind, leaving his body numb and floating on nothingness. No emotion, only blissful unawareness and the faint hope that it would never end.

However, the realization of having hope made him see that awareness was in fact coming back to him, his body feeling grounded once more as a faint beeping started to ring in his audio, darkness becoming a faint light that grew brighter.

The light became a bright orange that was not familiar to him, the blurry image becoming clear after a moment as it turned out to be a ceiling. And dread sank deep into his spark, spreading like a plague that froze his spark.

He was alive... aware, able to feel fear and dread once more. No... how could this be? Why? Was his brief moment of peace no more than a dream?

Beginning to shift his tired, pained body to sit up, he found that it was no dream, giving a weak gasp as pain erupted through his form and forced him to lay still once more. Quivering, he brightened his optics and stared blankly at the ceiling, knowing this was not the Nemesis... No, he had woken in the dreadful, unwelcoming medbay of the Nemesis enough times to know it by spark.

However, his optics widened faintly when he felt a gentle, caring touch to his hand, trying to turn his helm quickly, but finding that was a very bad idea as pain shot down his neck and through his backstrut.

"Y-you shouldn't be moving, please, lay still..."

Starscream paused at that voice, his optics brightening in surprise and dread as he caught sight of the large white and red streaked frame, seeing the soft facial features that held such worry and care.

The shuttle sat quietly in the chair he had pulled up to the seeker's berth, blue optics dim as he watched the other and waited for him to speak, longing to hear his voice, even if it was only a bitter comment or harsh word. "...Would you like something for the pain?" He asked softly, almost certain he was only asking to coax the seeker into a reply.

The jet only quivered as he now refused to look to the shuttle, a soft, blank expression coming across his features. "Pain... i-is sometimes all that's left to feel, Skyfire..."

He tensed as he heard the unexpected reply, shifting closer to the berth worriedly, "What do you mean..? S-Starscream... what happened to you?" He asked softly, his optics dimming faintly.

He remained expressionless, cursing Primus for doing this to him. How could he tease him with death only to bring him back to this? To his kind, caring Skyfire... whom he was bound to hurt again, despite only wanting his happiness.

Skyfire's optics dimmed when he received no answer, watching his once lover as he seemed so lost and lifeless, where he was once one of the most lively beings he had ever observed. He was charismatic, energetic, always excited over something. It hurt so deeply to see him this way... "Starscream, please... Wh-what happened?"

Scarlet optics dimmed as he sighed, quivering to feel so many emotions warring within him, threatening to pull him apart. Rage, disappointment, dread, sadness... He just wanted peace, after so long of feeling nothing but these four emotions, and yet it still evaded him somehow.

When he received still no answer, he whined softly, taking the seeker's hand into his own larger ones, cradling it gently as though it was a perfect treasure to him. "P-please... Don't ignore me Starscream. I don't know what has hurt you so deeply... B-but I'm begging you to let me help you." He pleaded softly, seeing the pain and sorrow in Starscream's optics, seeing the way he tried to repress it...

The feeling of Skyfire's hands on his own had the seeker trembling, forcing his tears back with a quivering growl as he tried to hide behind his bitter mask of hatred. "Y-you would never understand... "

"I would if you would only give me a chance..." Pleaded the large shuttle desperately, watching as Starscream offlined his optics and tried to look away. Grasping a blue hand firmly in one of his own, he reached to very gently cup that gorgeous, ebony face that used to smile and laugh at him, tilting it to look to him once more. "Don't hide..." He whispered softly as those fiery optics lit once more, blue and red locking together.

Those hands... So gentle and still so loving, as if the events of the war had never taken place. Such a contrast to the brutal blows and rough groping he had endured... Tears finally began to drip slowly down his cheeks, leading more after them as his intakes hitched with the overwhelming emotions. "Skyfire... I-I want to die..."

Those five small words seemed to pierce like daggers of ice into his spark, his optics flaring almost white in shock. "Wh-what..? Starscream, d-don't say that, please, never say that again..." He begged almost breathlessly, feeling as though the very warmth of his spark had been stolen away to leave him hollow with only a deep fear and sorrow.

"I-I want to die... I was s-so happy when I thought I would f-finally be free of the pain..." He sobbed brokenly, gripping Skyfire's hand as he trembled harshly. "I can't take it anymore... Th-the taunting, the insults, the beatings..." Starscream shook his helm softly as he watched Skyfire's horrified optics, his tears slipping into the shuttle's hand like liquid crystal, "It h-hurts too much..."

The Autobot trembled softly as he listened to every sobbed word, seeing, feeling the pain behind each... And he felt tears welling in his own optics to see his love so broken like this, so hurt and eager for death. Rage swelled steadily within him, burning painfully against his spark as it writhed in sorrow. Leaning down, he gently placed his forehead against the seeker's own, cupping his dark cheeks in his hands so incredibly gently, as if afraid he would shatter within his hold. "I-I'm so sorry Starscream... I wish I could have endured the pain for you..." He whispered as tears slipped from his cheeks softly to drip to Starscream's own.

Starscream gazed sadly back, shaking his helm as he reached out painfully and weakly to cup Skyfire's cheeks just as gently, "S-stop it... S-stop caring for me like this Skyfire... I'll only hurt y-you again, you know I will..."

"I can't do that." Said the larger mech softly, stroking Starscream's cheeks lovingly as his blue optics dimmed, "I will never stop caring for you... No matter how much you hurt me..." Skyfire whispered as his thumb drifted slowly to the seeker's perfect, pouty lips, stroking lovingly and almost timidly over their warm softness. He could feel the seeker trembling beneath his touch, the way he used to...

The feel of Skyfire's touch was so familiar and yet so foreign. So wonderful, and yet so horrible. It pained him to feel the mechs pure love and adoration for him, see it in his optics. What they could have had for so many years had that one mission not gone wrong...

Suddenly a door opened behind them, showing the red and white form of the Autobot medic, Ratchet. And looking up from the datapad he held, he paused to see Skyfire looking at him with tears in his optics. Frowning, he hurried forward with obvious worry on his features. "What happened, did the equipment fail?" He asked hurriedly, fearing he had lost the seeker...

Optics flickering in a blink, Skyfire shook his helm and quickly wiped the tears away, giving a sad smile to the medic as Ratchet checked over the spark monitor. "N-no, he's alright... I'm just... happy to see him awake..." He said softly as he turned his gaze back to his lover, seeing Starscream's optics were dimmed offline once more, tears still falling slowly down his cheeks...

Once Ratchet was satisfied that the monitors weren't going to give out, he sighed and moved back to the medical berth to check the seeker over. "Slagging near gave me a spark attack..." He grumped as he shooed the shuttle away, getting a squeak and confused expression from the large mech. "Go on, get out of here. I need to make sure everything is healing correctly, and I don't need you in the way." He huffed as he turned back to Starscream, seeing his optics were dimly lit now as he was watching Skyfire. A broken, sorrowful gaze that he had seen before in the optics of fellow Autobots who had been prisoners of war. Many of them committed suicide not long after being rescued... "Go talk to Prime, Skyfire..." He said as he looked back to the shuttle, his expression softening somewhat.

Pausing at the door, he looked back to Ratchet in confusion. "Why?" He asked softly as he cocked his helm lightly.

Though Ratchet only looked away and gently went to work on the broken form before him. "You know why..." Was his simple answer, his optics dim as he checked soldered wounds and panels that had been replaced, making sure the seeker's body was not rejecting the parts.

Skyfire drooped softly as he knew what the medic meant for him to speak of, glancing to the lithe form on the berth... Before nodding silently and turning for the door once more, his spark chamber feeling hollow and cold as his life force pulsed in throbbing beats of sadness. To learn what his love had been enduring was enough to break Skyfire, the guilt of never helping him weighing down on him so heavily he thought it might crush him... He had a chance to stop the abuse, to take Starscream away, but instead he left him there and joined the Autobots. He could have helped him... He should have known the pain he was suffering! It was his fault that Starscream was driven to do what he did...

Pulling in a quivering breath of air, Skyfire felt tears burning his optics once more as he walked the halls as quietly as he could, seeking the Prime's office as he knew he would be there.

He only hoped he would have the strength to explain such a thing to the kind mech...


	3. Wisdom

The Autobot leader sat quietly at his desk as he filled out yet another report, the stack becoming shorter as he placed the finished ones away in a drawer. Shifting in his seat, his optics dimmed as he read over what he had written, making sure there were no errors and nothing left out.

Though his optics brightened once more as he heard a knock at his office door, sitting straight as he spoke softly, "You may enter." Said the semi welcomingly as he set the file aside, seeing Skyfire moving in through the open door. Though he paused when he noticed the shuttle's obvious distress.

"I-I apologize for bothering you Sir... But I believe I need to s-speak with you..." He said softly as he watched the smaller mech, his wings quivering as they were drooped low against his back.

Shaking his helm in dismissal of the apology, the Prime gently motioned to the seat across from him, "Please, sit. What has troubled you Skyfire?" He asked softly, watching the large mech as he shifted to sit down.

Skyfire's optics dimmed as he couldn't lift his helm to face the Prime again, fidgeting as his emotions and pain clouded his mind in a heavy fog... However, he forced his mouth open, working the words up his throat, "I-it's Starscream, Sir..."

The Prime cocked his helm softly at that, optics brightening questioningly, "Starscream? Is he alright?" He asked gently, hoping the seeker hadn't failed...

Shaking his helm, Skyfire spoke once more, "He's alright, h-he's awake at least... But it's... it's wh-what he said to me..." The shuttle quivered harshly as he remembered the seeker's words, the pain in his voice, in his optics as he spoke them. H-how could he be expected to repeat such a horrible message?

Optimus could easily see the pain Skyfire was in, almost feel it as it seemed to bleed from the shuttle's frame... "What did he say to you?" He asked quietly, his tone soft as he didn't want to further upset his comrade.

Shoulder's quaking softly, Skyfire offlined his optics and hung his helm low, feeling tears burning his optics once more as a tight knot formed in his throat, almost choking the breath from him as he tried to speak. "He t-old me he wanted to... to die..." He finally sobbed, his wings drooping low as he tried to continue, "He s-said he couldn't take the p-pain anymore... I could have s-stopped this from happening... I could have saved him!" Sobbed Skyfire harshly, tears falling into his lap as he couldn't hold the pain inside. "I-it's my fault... if I had just taken a m-moment to see his pain, he wouldn't be in this condition." He wanted to say more, but he was silenced by a soft, warm hand on his shoulder and a comforting voice in his audio.

"You could never have known that Starscream suffered in such a way." Said the wise mech softly as he watched Skyfire with understanding optics. "You mustn't linger on what can not be changed, my friend... Be thankful that he is here, and that you are given the chance to save him now."

Skyfire's optics dimmed as he saw the pain in Optimus' optics, heard it in his voice... Their leader had so many regrets, so many things he blamed on himself. But he couldn't have stopped a single one of them from happening... And he had a feeling that was what Optimus was trying to make him realize. "I-it's hard to hear him like that... H-hear how broken he is inside, h-how hurt he is and how much p-pain he feels..." Stuttered the shuttle shakily as tears continued to slip down his cheeks, body quaking as he started to sob once more.

Giving a crestfallen sigh, the cabover peterbilt nodded dolefully, "I know... I have seen pain similar to this in many Autobot soldiers. It is not easy to take, but we must be strong for them and offer them our strength."

The white shuttle quivered before burying his face in his hands suddenly, form quaking as he weapt, "I-I don't think I'm strong enough..." He whispered mournfully, almost fearfully as his form trembled.

Optimus watched sorrowfully, gently placing a warm, blue hand atop Skyfire's helm as he spoke soothingly, encouragingly, "You are one of the strongest mechs I know, Skyfire. It is not easy to take a betrayal from the one you love and still keep that love pulsing strong in your spark." Said the Prime with a soft dimming of his optics, feeling the shuttle tensing lightly beneath his hand.

Pulling his hands back just enough to look up to his leader, Skyfire gently whispered, "Y-you knew..?"

The Prime's warm smile was visible in his optics as he gave a light nod. "I had suspected the two of you had more than a platonic relationship before..." He said softly, tone sympathetic as he felt Skyfire trembling beneath his hand.

Drooping once more, Skyfire shook his helm as he took in a quivering breath, "I-I never knew I had made it th-that obvious..." Said the shuttle with a weak, halfhearted chuckle that turned into a choked sob, his optics flickering offline as tears streamed down his cheeks. "I d-don't think it's g-going to matter now..." Choked Skyfire, disheartened, burying his face in his hands once more.

"I won't say that love alone will heal him, Skyfire. But it will help a great deal." Said Optimus softly as he watched the mech's tears dripping silently down his cheeks to plip into his lap. "It will be a long, hard process to heal him, and I have my doubts that he will ever be the way you knew him before... But, you must not let yourself become discouraged. Keep faith in him, that he can become someone better." Said the wise old mech softly.

Though, before the Prime had a chance to continue, his comm. link buzzed and Blaster's voice filled his audio. "Prime, we've got a situation. Megahead is contacting the base, an' Screamer bein' here has him fragged over sideways."

Optimus frowned to hear this news, replying calmly, "I will take the call over Teletraan 1 in a moment." Said the Prime, waiting for an affirmative before cutting the link and looking to Skyfire who was seemingly trying to compose himself. "Skyfire, if you ever need to speak to me about anything, please, do not hesitate to do so. I will always listen and offer any help that I can."

The shuttle nodded softly as he heard his leader, smiling lightly as he cleared his throat, "I-I know Optimus, thank you... It means a lot to me." He said as he stood up once more, coming to his full height to stand much taller than the semi. "Megatron... he wants Starscream back, doesn't he?"

The red, white and blue mech shook his helm softly, "Don't worry Skyfire, he won't get him back." Said the Prime softly before pausing as he received a comm. from Prowl, optics dimming as he started for the door, "I must go for now, but if you need to speak with me again, I will be ready to listen." Optimus said once more as he stepped out of the room and into the halls of the Ark, Skyfire stepping out behind him. "For now, I believe it would be best if you got some energon and rest. Ratchet will inform you when you are allowed to see Starscream again."

Nodding softly, his optics dimmed as he smiled weakly to his leader. "A-alright, I'll do that. Good luck Optimus." Said the large mech before turning to start down the hall for the , needing time to think...

Optimus watched with a sympathetic gaze as Skyfire left, optics dimming as he turned to make his way to the communications room. "And good luck to you, old friend." Said the Prime quietly as he walked, hoping he could give Skyfire strength when the shuttle feared he had none left.

-  
>Author's Note<p>

I apologize for lack of updates lately. It has been crazy busy around here.

Also, I'm sorry this chapter doesn't live up to the first two, but I will try to get things moving in the next chapter. I don't know how quickly I will be able to update, but I will still be writing as much as I can.

Thank you all for your kind words and favorites, it really means a lot to me. 


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